These past couple of weeks have definitely been challenging to say it mildly. I do not want to come across as whiny, but these past two weeks really have been hell for me physically and emotionally. It seems as though an endless amount of crap has been thrown at me from all directions, which I can not catch because I have been in bed most of the time. I’ve been in bed so much mainly because I am just flat out exhausted from all the changes my body has undergone and I am sure there is some depression lurking in.
I was on the mend pretty nicely for the first two weeks after surgery. I was just tired, but I rested and did my best to eat well. Everything seemed to be going fine. I was gradually reducing my diuretic medication and it seemed the stent was beginning to work it little magic. Perhaps it still is.
A point of frustration for me is that I have been unable to schedule my one month follow up with my “neuro” specialists. So naturally when I get a severe headache or when I get out of bed my left eye just can’t quite focus in on objects my mind gravitates towards the worst possible scenario. I doubt myself. I doubt the device.
There is a good chance it is not the device. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I also have to remind myself that those three times when I got a left sided headache (right where the stent was implanted) I was extremely emotional. Like sobbing, can only catch your breath long enough to ask the person how they could be so deceitful, sobbing. Then there was the shock of having to switch healthcare plans by the end of the month after years of stability. It was events like those that made my pain on scale of zero to ten shoot to a fifteen. (Only compounded by the fact there is not much to do for them then rest. Pain medication often just causes rebound headaches, so it is better to just bear through it.)
I have been trying to take Kelly’s advice. That is to remember that I know my body. I know I never had serious headaches like those past three until after stent placement and then it was only when I was incredibly emotional. I’m not comforted by my doctor’s nurse practitioner telling me it most likely has nothing to do with the stent. I want to speak with the actual doctor. I want the actual one month follow up appointment. I hate being so demanding, but my gut is just telling me “hey, this is an experimental surgery still in the testing phase – so you might want to get it checked out because it is not normal for you.”
My main goal for today is to call the doctor’s office and get that appointment. If I can accomplish that I will consider everything else, well, I will consider everything else a bonus because I am horrible at standing up for myself.
Enough with the whining. Let’s take a break and do a little dancing !
Much better !
Since I have been focusing in on so many negative things, whether they are emotional or physical. I think I will take a few minutes to focus in on somethings that I can be grateful for at the moment.
What are some of the things that I am grateful for ? Well, I will take a look back starting from the weekend until this morning .
- I’m grateful that I have my very basic needs met. I have a place to live, food in the refrigerator & pantry, and clothes to wear.
- I’m grateful that I have a few extra dollars in my wallet.
- I’m grateful that I managed to feel well enough to take a few showers.
- I’m grateful that I managed to feel well enough early in the weekend to get two loads of laundry done. (Awe, there is nothing better than crawling into bed with fresh, clean sheets after getting out of the shower !)
- I’m grateful that I managed to feel well enough to wash my dishes and clean my kitchen. (No more eating off of paper towels for me or eating soup out of a latter mug.)
- I’m grateful for being able to breathe easier, especially at night now that my new humidfier arrived and I got around to setting it up. (It is also insanely adoreable because it loks like a cow. I call him Curtis.)
- I am grateful that even though I only have like seven followers on Bloglovin that I still feel immensely supported by those handful of bloggers who offer words of encouragement, witty banter, offers to introduce me to their friends when I go to my next appointment, etc. Just lots of support all around that I otherwise wouldn’t be recieving.
- I am grateful for waking up from a long nap only to get an email to find out that I won a big give away ! (Yay, me.)
Snoopy is just dancing and offering up some sound advice today ! So, for now I have my one task that I need to complete for the day and then I will try and relax (or make travel plans – relaxing doesn’t come naturally). I am also going to keep working on noticing the things that I should be grateful for – even if they are the smallest things.
(I will also be updating my GiveForward page/campaign as I am now one month post op and scheduled for my first month follow up !)